Breeding Lilacs Out of the Dead Land: A Foolish Shower

TS-Si is dedicated to the acceptance, medical treatment, and legal protection of individuals correcting the misalignment of their brains and their anatomical sex, while supporting their transition into society as hormonally reconstituted and surgically corrected citizens.

Living - One Fine Day

Lisa Jain Thompson

Tuesday, 31 March 2009 22:30

Fairfax, VA, USA. Mark Twain said that the first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 365 days of the year. I don’t know much about that (or about history or geometry or the French I took), but I do know a news story when I see it.

You might think I am an idiot, babbling and strewing flowers. Take with you the satisfaction that proceeds from a consciousness faithfully performed, dear readers. I have assembled a veritable triptych of curiosities I think you will find interesting. Or maybe not.

Read on.

But be aware all ye that enter here that this is not the Ides, not even close.

Curiosity #1: Beware The Vegans!

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Fairfax, VA, USA. Mark Twain said that the first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 365 days of the year. I don’t know much about that (or about history or geometry or the French I took), but I do know a ...

While the evil gay agenda appears to be nearly complete, the Topeka, Kansas based Westboro Baptist Church, which has been drawing national attention for staging anti-homosexuality demonstrations at military funerals (on the

theory that fallen troops are God's punishment for a country tolerant of homosexuals), has found a new enemy for its righteous anger: the growing number of Godless Vegans. When asked why they will now be focusing on Vegans, Representatives of Westboro Baptist replied that

Everyone needs a scapegoat. It’s how we define our faith. First it was the Jews, then the Communists, then the homosexuals. Now it’s Vegans.

You got to stay current if you want keep the collection plate filled on Sundays. If you had read “The Secrets of a Prosperous Pastorialship”, you would know that The Gays are old news.

Nobody cares any more. Nobody is threaten when a flaming Nellies move in next story. They’re more upset with how well the house and lawn is kept.

Besides, The Gays have a lot of money. A lot of them are professionals.

Just the other day, a retired Army faggot, a retired general, if I remember correctly, donated 10,000 dollars to help fight Godless Vegans.

But why Vegans?

It’s unAmerican, dammit, and unChristian. Real Americans eat beef, rare but not mooing. This country was built on the Longhorn Steer. This Christian State of Kansas was founded by cattlemen. Railroads were extended so that cattle could be brought back from the western expanse to be slaughtered in Chicago for the tables of God-fearing Christians in the east.

God made the earth and all the creatures in it. If He didn’t intend us to eat meat eat, why did he create cattle and sheep?

Vegans are the devil’s spawn, used by Satan to draw otherwise good Christians from the path of righteousness and roast beef.

Curiosity #2: The President’s Television

After his successful appearances on the Tonight Show and others, President Obama has been offered numerous opportunities to extend his television career and further his political agenda. He is currently considering the following options.

Dancing with the Stars appears to be too obvious. Advisors believe nothing would be gained and any presidential success would only reinforce African-American stereotypes, even if the president claimed he learned to dance doing the hula for a grade school pageant in Hawaii. No longer on the table as a viable option.
Hannah Montana. White House Staff believe this is big with kids and a presidential appearance in a recurring role as a substitute teacher would insure Democratic voting dominance for the next half century.
Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. The road movie The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of Desert which became a cult hit after its 1994 release is now a musical in London’s West End. The show follows two drag queens and a transsexual on a bus trip across Australia in eye-popping extravagance as it traces a drag queen’s dream to do a disco medley on top of the sacred Ayers Rock. Obama would play the mature transsexual Bernadette, a role made popular by Terence Stamp in the movie. The sequin-spangled musical is scheduled to open on Broadway in the fall of 2010.

If the president accepts the role, Air Force One would be used for the daily commute between Broadway and the White House.

In addition to the three publicly known offers, sources have confirmed that White House advisors pitched a dramedy about a young state assemblymen who runs for a vacant U. S. Senate seat and, when his opposition is caught in scandal, wins what is basically an unopposed contest. After two years in the Senate, the young senator finds himself running for president and, when none of the opposing candidates are articulate, he becomes President of the United States.

The series would split its focus between political events and war and his family life where he has two cute children and a muscular, professional wife who refers to him as my darling POTUS. Bill Cosby and Oprah have signed on as technical advisors.

Hollywood sources also indicate that the series so far has been rejected by studio suits as unbelievable. A Vice President responsible for multiple successful reality shows expressed off the record doubts that such a series would have any legs.

Curiosity #3: Twitter Me This

Twitter is the new Facebook, the Cat’s Meow. Although many Twitter messages resemble the babblings of an obsessive narcissist --

17:02 Read article about twitter

17:04 Posted on twitter about the twitter article

17:08 Waited anxiously for someone to tweet back and validate my existence

— Twitter is attracting the clamoring attention of media, politicians, and avaristic entrepreneurs.

No one seems daunted by 140 character limitation of a Twitter message. Everyone seems to want a piece of the Twitter.

Even Rome.

The Roman Curia has begun publication of the Bible in Twitter Format, starting at the beginning with Genesis. Here is a bit of the Twitter Word of God, 140 characters at a time.

T1: In the beginning God created the heaven & the earth.& the e was without form, & void; & darkness was upon the face of the deep.

T2: & the Spirit of G moved upon the face of the 2H2O.& G said, Let there be light: & there was light. & G saw the light, that it was

T3: good: & G divided the L from the Darkness.& G called the l Day, & the d he called Night. & the evening & the morning were the fir

T4: st day.& G said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the 2H2O, & let it divide the 2H2O from the 2H2O.& G made the firm,

T5: & divided the 2H2O which were under the firm from the 2H2O which were above the firm: & it was so. & God called the firm

T6: Heaven. & the evening & the morning were the second d.& G said,Let the H20 under the heaven be gathered together unto one

T7: place, & let the dry land appear:& it was so.& G called the dry land Earth;& the gathering together of the H20 called he Seas: & G saw that

T8: twitter was good.

The Vatican expects to finish twittering the Old Testament sometime in 2012-13 at which point they will begin the New Testament. The number of individual 140 character messages needed to twitter the entire Bible is estimated at 2.37 billion.

Ms. Lisa Jain Thompson is a Co-Founder & Principal of TS-Si. She also serves as a Contributing Editor and columnist for the TS-Si website. She maintains another site, StarPoet.com, for her poetry and literary works.

Ms. Thompson's signed articles contain her own opinions and do not necessarily convey an official position of TS-Si, its partners, or affiliates. Lisa welcomes your comments. Use the form below or email via her TS-Si Contact Page. We will not divulge any personal details or place you on a mailing list without your permission.

The TS-Si News Service is a collaborative effort by TS-Si.org editors, contributors, and corresponding institutions. Sources can include the cited individuals and organizations, as well as TS-Si.org staff contributions. Articles and news reports do not necessarily convey official positions of TS-Si, its partners, or affiliates. We welcome your comments. Use the form below to leave a public comment or send private correspondence via the TS-Si Contact Page. We will not divulge any personal details or place you on a mailing list without your permission.

TS-Si is dedicated to the acceptance, medical treatment, and legal protection of individuals correcting the misalignment of their brains and their anatomical sex, while supporting their transition into society as hormonally reconstituted and surgically corrected citizens.

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Last Updated on Tuesday, 31 March 2009 23:06

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TS-Siis dedicated to the acceptance, legal protection, and medical treatment of individuals correcting the misalignment of their brains and their anatomical sex, while supporting their transition into society as hormonally reconstituted and surgically corrected citizens.

We welcome responsible comments. Use the public article forms throughout this site or send private correspondence via the TS-Si Contact Page. We will not divulge personal details or place you on a mailing list without your permission.

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