is dedicated to the acceptance, medical treatment, and legal protection of individuals correcting the misalignment of their brains and their anatomical sex, while supporting their transition into society.
Join The Flow!
TS-Si supports
open access to
publicly funded research
| Different for Girls: It Fits! It Bloody Fits! |
 |
 |
| Opinion - Global Warning | |||
| Lisa Jain Thompson | |||
| Tuesday, 30 June 2009 14:00 | |||
|
Fairfax, VA, USA. Like many women out of the public eye [N1], what most women born transsexual want more than anything else is not to be noticed, at least no more so than any other woman [N2]. Women learn early that, in other than those moments of our own choosing, standing out in a crowd can invite unwanted sexual attention from males and unasked for behavioral commentary and criticism from the cultural society [N3] in which they live. We all are judged against cultural stereotypes that vary from country to country and between religions and ethnic backgrounds and upbringing. There are rules and expectations that must be learned, if, for nothing else, so that you will know what cultural commandments you may be violating. Growing up we learn the expected differences between boys and girls. If you are a girl born transsexual, you quickly learn that you are much unlike the band of boys that society would shoehorn you into. A girl born transsexual has to learn how to pretend to be a boy, it’s not something she is born with. Don’t be shocked, but there are differences between boys and girls, men and women, some of which are innate and hardwired, others seem to be cultural and softwired. In any given society, however, all of the differences are unconsciously considered to be normal, genetically based, and permanent. [N4]
A girl recognizes early on that girls are expected to be neat. Boys can be sloppy, [N5] but girls must be orderly. Real men do not need to be neat (possibly because there is always a woman picking up after them) — a girl is not allowed the laxity that is afforded boys. Sloppiness detracts from femininity. Girls are quiet, cooperative; boys are rambunctious, loud and noisy. This is true in grade school, pre-school, high school, and college. Parents who have given birth to both a boy and a girl recognize the differences between the two while the child is still an infant. At the toddler stage, the differences are easily visible. This appears to be a cross-cultural, cross-ethnic, cross-national difference throughout the human species. [N6] Women born transsexual who are rambunctious, loud, and noisy will find society more difficult than women who are quiet. This is generally true of the species as a whole but more so for women and girls. In the classroom girls raise their hand and wait to be recognized. Most boys wave their hands wildly, demanding the teacher’s attention. This same behavior pattern reoccurs in adulthood at conferences and meetings. Women will wait for recognition; men will just interrupt and begin talking, usually over a woman waiting patiently. A girl knows early on that girls are expected to be polite and wait their turn. She also quickly learns that while she is being polite, the boys will push and shove to win the best position in line. Girls who barge ahead are considered to be ill-mannered; the boys are considered boys. Girls are trained to be polite, boys are trained to win. A woman who plays to win is a castrating bitch and probably a lesbian; a man is seen as a strong leader and a role model. Decent and polite girls are not ever castrating bitches and certainly not ever lesbians. In general, of course, girls are suppose to sit and play quietly, neatly, and politely. Boys and men, as can be seen, run and shout, get really dirty, and break things. Women only run and shout in public if they are playing with a young child. Girls are expected to be clean at all times and to never, never break anything rambunctiously. Girls who are habitually dirty or always breaking things are unfeminine.
Girls and women are always be judged by someone else’s standard, a standard that is hardly ever applied to the boys. Girls must lean etiquette, what to do, how to do it, and when. Boys make rude noises in public spaces and then joke about it later over beer. Girls need to know which fork goes to what, when to wear a black dress, and when to stop wearing white. Boys need to know their left shoe from their right and when to ask their mother or wife if a tee shirt is clean enough to wear again. Girls must become lovers, wives, and mothers; boys may always be boys. If you are a girl, and if you are smart and do well in school, you quickly learn not to show up the boys too much. If you are smarter than the boy you are with, you had better not show it too often. Boys who are smart, first learn to hide it – a boy who prefers books to sports is oft times code for a gay boy. As boys get older and move out of the high school environment, they often learn when smart can be best and when it is safe to be smart. Some boys decide that smart is always emasculating and are uncomfortable with girls and women who are smarter than they are. Girls all learn not to flash their smartness around a man unless they know how the man will react. No one wants to be beat up for being smart. [N7] In any conversation, it is safe for a girl or woman to take as granted that boys and men will assume they know more than girls and women in any subject area but the following: clothes, make-up, cooking, children, braiding hair, women’s sports, and whatever that is that happens to women every month. Man and boy they are not interested. Any boy who shows what seems an inordinate interest in any of those seven area will undoubted be called for counseling by teachers, coaches, and concerned parents. Men and boys are defined by their differences from women and girls.
Stereotypes, whether they be California Girls or Butch Lesbians, are generalizations, assumptions, that people make about the characteristics of all members of a group. Stereotypes are based on an image (often wrong [N8]) about what people in any particular group are like. There are girl stereotypes; there are boy stereotypes. The general tendency of girls and boys is to fit ourselves into the general outline of our cultural stereotypes. Girls born transsexual who fail to meet the expectations of how a boy acts will be thought strange and possibly a “sissy”. [N9] They will most likely find themselves a frequent target of bullies. Girls born transsexual who act outside the prevalent image of how a girl acts will not be considered true transsexuals. Before we have identified ourselves to the world, those of us born transsexual learn to be very, very good actors, as if our life depended on our fitting ourselves into the stereo types. Girls born transsexual will find themselves patterning their actions after the boys, especially if such patterning pleases our parents and teachers and avoids conflict with those self same boys. We know well the differences between boys and girls. Girls help out in the kitchen, boys play football. Girls help set tables on family holidays and help wash the dishes afterwards. Boys watch football before and after. A girl’s life is centered around the home and family; a boy’s life is out there, a thing apart. How we cooperate and work with each other reflects the differences. Girls talk among themselves, compare notes and opinions, over-process emotions and decisions, and only then reach a group consensus. Boys act, seldom discuss anything, and normally follow the decisions of a recognized leader. If pushed, a boy will strike out on his own. This is considered acting like a man. If a girl is pushed, she most often will contact her girlfriends and they will jointly look for resolution. This, of course, is considered a typical feminine behavior pattern. Boys will be boys, girls will be girls, and it’s up to a person born transsexual to know the difference. Their life depends on it.
Notes[N1] Thus excluding Madonna, Michelle Obama, Gwen Stefani, Beyoncé, Gypsy Rose Lee ….
[N2] If the men ever actually stopped looking, 90% of the women under age 60 would find it disturbing. We do prefer polite, intelligent men, however, over aggressive, unthinking neo-apes. [N3] Not only “The Patriarchy”, but our parents, our teachers, our religious preachers, and other girls and women. Different attracts attention. [N4] The way the true gods intended. [N5] Boys who are overly neat might be thought gay. [N6] And perhaps throughout the mammalian family. [N7] Girl or guy: you quickly learn how to not provoke beatings (or you’ll find yourself getting beat up a lot, certain more than absolutely necessary). [N8] But with some recognizable factual basis, however infrequently it occurs. [N9] An epitaph surely to be avoided most strenuously by any boy.
 Ms. Lisa Jain Thompson is the Co-Founder & President of TS-Si, Inc. She also serves as a Contributing Editor and columnist for the TS-Si website. Ms. Thompson's signed articles contain her own opinions and do not necessarily convey an official position of TS-Si, its partners, or affiliates.Lisa welcomes your comments. You can use the public form below or send private correspondence via her TS-Si Contact Page. We will not divulge any personal details or place you on a mailing list without your permission.
The TS-Si News Service is a collaborative effort by TS-Si.org editors, contributors, and corresponding institutions. The sources can include the cited individuals and organizations, as well as TS-Si.org staff contributions. Articles and news reports do not necessarily convey official positions of TS-Si, its partners, or affiliates. We welcome your comments. Use the form below to leave a public comment or send private correspondence via the TS-Si Contact Page. We will not divulge any personal details or place you on a mailing list without your permission.                       Add this page to your favorite social bookmarking websites. To create link towards this article on your website, copy and paste the text below in your page. Preview : 
Set as favorite
Email This
Comments (1)
 Write comment
|
|||
| Last Updated on Tuesday, 30 June 2009 08:20 |
Subscribe to this comment's feed
Show/Hide comments
Show/Hide comment form
The TS-Si News Service
and the TS-Si Research Service
are collaborations of TS-Si officials, staff, contributors, and corresponding institutions. Contents do not necessarily convey official positions of
TS-Si, its partners, or its affiliates. 