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Patterns of Gender: Ending the Confusion (3 of 3) Print E-mail
Opinion - Guest Columns
Evangelina Carters   
Wednesday, 27 August 2008 16:30
Patterns of Gender: Ending the Confusion (3 of 3)
Somewhere, Planet Earth. I compared the early life narratives of my six to those of the rest of the group I had classified genuine transsexual.
 
The patterns were markedly similar and differed only in that they had succumbed to parental pressure and then society had forced a life on them that they did not want and had difficulty dealing with.
 
In another case, six parents had been a lot more understanding of their child’s needs. In essence what I had seen as four groups became only three.
 

Group One: Transvestites/Cross Dressers

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Transvestites, or cross dressers are the same thing. There is no difference even though there are some who protest that there is a difference there is not. It’s just that cross dressers don’t like the word transvestite; it’s as simple as that. Essentially it is not a problem for the person if they find release and it does not interfere with their daily life. It is even less of a problem if a partner can participate or even tolerate the behaviour.
 
With a tiny exception, all make excellent Fathers husbands and lovers and find a happy life and enjoy a harmless practice. From a counseling standpoint I found this group by far the simplest to help, unless they became distracted or were led into believing there was something more to their dressing than there actually was. However, I could usually straighten that issue quite quickly with some carefully constructed questions.
 
It is worth mentioning that I did some research into the kind of fantasy material a lot of transvestites enjoy and it threw up some interesting results.
  • The stories and fantasy scenarios almost always involved a forced, accidental or some kind of magical transformation or situation where cross dressing was “not their responsibility”.
     
  • Once cross dressed or transformed the subject became involved in a sexual encounter with a woman.
It seems to me that this confirms the heterosexual nature of transvestism. Any encounter with a male is in all cases reviled and feared though often fantasised about.
 
For an essentially harmless fetish transvestism carries with it an inordinate depth of guilt. Remove the guilt and the transvestite stabilises and returns to an incredibly normal human being, if a little eccentric.

Group Two: Transgender 

It is this group that probably wears the descriptive “transgender” most comfortably. My perception of this group is that the fantasies previously described become a part of their mainstream life.
 
Core Male Identity. The core identity of this group is essentially male and behaviour quite typically male in many aspects. Probably quite unconsciously the affected person adopts and adapts their narrative to fit the desire and the distress they feel is genuine, deep rooted and often in fact usually quite acute. It is easy to dismiss the behaviour and psychology as founded in fetish desire and behaviour, many did confess fetish tendencies.
 
However, after extensive consultations with more than a hundred cases I have no doubt that there are strong psychosexual root causes. Possibly environmental to varying degrees; for example, if there is a history of sexual abuse in childhood it may be convenient to blame transgender desires on this. I encountered a few cases where it is quite possible that this was the case. I made it policy to pass such cases to psychiatric professionals.
If the client is able to withstand the social rejection, then form and sustain a loving relationship while supporting themselves financially in the process, then the individual is always a better person for going along with their needs (even to the extent of genital surgery).
However, their desired outcome rarely means that they seek a closed narrative — preferring to live openly as one who has changed their sex. This is markedly different to the last group we will come to next (Group Three, below).
 
Common Factors. In my view it is only possible to speculate as to the source of the very powerful need of these cases. Current medical opinion is to follow a code of practise laid down for a quite different group and so research in this field throws up conflicting results as many research subjects do not belong in this group at all and those who do, often tell researchers what they want or expect to hear. At least that has been my experience.
 
One of the most common factors in the life narrative of this group is the age at which they become aware of their desires.
  • In the many hundreds of cases I encountered, it was never earlier than 9 or 10, in most cases a couple of years later and many not until late teenage years. A few were in their 30’s.
Many individuals also had some severe issues with which to deal.
  • They often were socially isolated with some lacking mental capacity and more than a few had drug and alcohol problems.
     
  • Extreme shyness was common as was difficulty in socialisation.
     
  • A great many of this group were in very successful professional jobs, highly educated and married with a good home as well as children. To all intents and purposes you might think they were without problems.
I often ended up crying with many of the life narratives I heard if not during the session then certainly afterwards.
 
The privacy and confidential nature of the consultation room enables you to get a good understanding of what is at work in these people: what it is that really motivates them and what in fact they seek for their future. I lost count of the number of times I was asked to cure them. There is of course no cure. For the transvestite, the most effective so called cure is to find an outlet for the desire and get their transvestism into perspective in relation to the rest of their life. For this second group the desire to bring their cross sex behaviour into the mainstream of their life is an overpowering need and is much too powerful. What they seek is permission to express themselves within their relationship and the whole of their life as well as with the rest of society.
 
Acceptance. Unfortunately for this group, acceptance is an uphill battle. Their physique often very masculine and their speech patterns and thought processes essentially masculine. With today’s medical advances there is much that can be done to help (given that there are enough available resources). However, so often and very unfortunately, their very personality and mental capacity cannot provide what is needed.
 
I made a habit of making notes of my impression of body language which I saw as an essential factor in how to proceed in helping my client. Rarely was there any sign of anything remotely feminine. Many tried but the effect unnatural and not at all convincing, certainly to my trained eye. But the most striking feature of all was the desired outcome — which was to maintain home career and family but to do that as a woman. Very few of those I saw had ever had a sexual experience with a man, although there were a few who had. Many figured they could just be lesbian or even bisexual. Why not? Over the period of time that I spent doing this work I came to accept the fact of this particular scenario even if I failed to understand how the psychology worked, never mind the sexuality.
 
The important issue for me here is not the sexuality but rather the fundamental sex of the individual and their choice of partner. That is not a sex issue but is a sexuality one and I do not wish to take this article into that field.
 
There appeared to be among this group a common desire to be very open about their change of sex once they had taken those steps. The majority could not hide this fact even if they had wanted to do so; not just because of the general appearance and demeanour, but due to their common choice to remain with their wives. Many of their wives did reject their husbands and I often spent many hours either talking to wives on the phone or talking with them at the group meetings.
 
Often the transgender men found new partners and they lead quite happy lives with everyone around them knowing about their history. Sometimes I would hear them talking with other group members about how wonderful their life was an hour after I had just spent a couple of hours with them while they cried their eyes out over issues they were having to face with colleagues at work and other family members and their lost children as well as quite messy divorces. I often got a sore lip from biting it in the social areas of the group.

Group Three: The Female In The Mirror 

Whenever someone from this group enters the room it is possible to recognise the differences between them and the other two groups in the very first couple of seconds. Upon interview their life narrative follows a distinct pattern and their expectations of their future life entirely different. Their body language, speech patterns, and physique are in most cases quite different from either the transgender or transvestite. Even if the appearance of a transgender-identified person is quite feminine, the body language and speech patterns differ to the trained observer, sometimes unfortunately to the untrained.
 
Jackie and the Mirror. One of the clients who came to see me — Jackie — had been in a gay relationship since 18 years old, then in early 20’s the relationship ended because she needed to be female and her partner wanted a male. For five confused years, this poor girl tried to be who her loved one had wanted. She explained that they had never got from the relationship any of the things they needed. Her doctor had placed her on antidepressants and a low dose Hormone Therapy (HT) regime. That was the way she stayed for about three years. The poor girl was miserable and close to suicide.
 
Everything about this girl was female.Speech patterns, her needs from relationships, her movement and her view of her future. Significant for me was her description of the moment she became self-aware. The realisations that there was something wrong with her body, something different about her from her sisters came when she was about three. She described it as like Scotty had made a mistake on the transporter and added something that shouldn’t be there. There was no statement of “woman trapped in a man’s body”; that was the statement I heard most from the majority of the others I was counseling. I happen to believe that is a nonsensical statement by the way.
 
The essential factor that set this girl and the others like her apart from the other equally distressed people I saw was her desired outcome and the way in which she was prepared to go about making it happen. She did not need to have a dress or skirt on to be a female; she already was female whatever she happened to be wearing at the time. Her need was to relate to the world from the perspective of her core personality, to not be conscious constantly of her inability to respond fully to her own emotions and natural reflexes triggered by interactions with the rest of the world.
 
Hearing this from her had me sobbing like a baby; it was the first time I had heard from anyone the exact same feelings as I felt myself.
 
Every time this girl looked in a mirror she saw a female looking back at her even though physically she had some quite male features. This was one of several features I found in the psychology of those I encountered with genuine (what we have come to call) HBS [cf. sidebar]. I shied away from using the term transsexual even back then and used it purely for convenience and differentiated my genuine cases by calling them the real deal or true transsexual.
  • For one thing, far too many full time transvestites were already using the term to describe themselves.
     
  • For another it seemed to me that these genuine — or true — transsexuals were not going anywhere they were not already. The way they thought, interacted, moved, spoke even looked, they were all female.
It was as plain (to me) as the nose on my face. I became convinced that there was a very physical source to this syndrome.
 
A Fundamental Difference. There was something fundamentally unique about this final, if tiny, group. It is true there were some masculine physical features but the weight of their physique was female and their brain psychology wholly female. It was not until one of the other counselors introduced me to Carl — the first female to male I had ever met — that a realisation hit me. This person was all guy no doubt about that; quite attractive but had some residual feminine features especially in the face and lower body. Not enough for anyone to mistake him for female but nonetheless present. It struck me that his general appearance was much like many of the true transsexuals I knew. Over the next few weeks I met several more guys and they basically confirmed my initial thoughts.
 
The guys seemed to end up in appearance physically in a similar way to how the women started. By this I do not mean that the guys looked like feminine men or that the women ended looking like masculine females. What I am trying to convey is that, in the women especially, there was a distinct and measurable physical style that was present in a great many of my clients. It was seeing Carl that triggered the recognition. Now one might think that this stands to reason from a biological point of view and you are entitled to say so what? That is a quite simplistic way of looking at the issue. Yes, but it made me consider what the source of the motivation was. I knew instinctively that there had to be a physical (i.e., biological) cause of true transsexuals (or HBS), the source element that caused the phenomenon to occur in the first place.
 
I reasoned that the brain itself had to have a sex.I knew that the physical construction of female brains were different to males. Once I accepted that concept I further reasoned that whatever it was that created the sex of the brain had to if not control, then certainly influence, the way in which other organs and especially physical features developed.
 
True transsexuals have a greater number of sex markers congruent with the sex of their brain: hands tend to be smaller, feet smaller, noses smaller, physical frame smaller, and generally slightly wider hips than normal for a male. Often the effect of puberty was not as dramatic as in normal males, though not in all cases. This physicality also explained the marked difference in ages that the affected people became aware that they had something different about them.
 
On a personal level — and more importantly for me — it answered questions I’d so far been unable to answer about myself.
 
There was a great deal of debate among colleagues concerning the differences among clients. The fashion at the time was that all were varying degrees of the same thing. They argued that different personalities were bound to be affected in different ways. The huge gap in the ages at which people became affected was ignored by everyone and the differing desires surrounding preferred outcome dismissed as simply personal preference with no cause other than emotional one. The differences in appearance were put down to mere biological chance. I found this attitude impossible to cope with and it coincided with a big change in my own personal circumstances.

Conclusions

I was beginning to find dealing with the kind of pressures counseling entails difficult and emotionally draining. I was too close to my own demons for comfort. I needed to move on, so I applied for and was subsequently offered a position in industry. It meant I could begin a new life away from any knowledge of my medical history. My own motivation was one of, fix the physical issue and move on. So I took my opportunity for new life and a new beginning and made a move to a new city, putting distance between myself and the whole twilight world that is transsexual/transgender.
 
At the time I reasoned that the significant difference between the groups could be explained by three relatively simple factors.
  • Transvestism is a simple and quite harmless fetish triggered in the same way as many fetish tendencies are at the time of the first sexual awakening of the growing child. Kept in its place and given the opportunity to be indulged the vast majority experience little if any trauma or otherwise adverse effect either on their life or personality.
     
  • Transgender is a term that most comfortably describes those affected by Gender Dysphoria (or dissatisfaction with ones sex). The degree of the dysphoria determines the lengths to which the affected person will go to gain relief from the resulting stress and trauma.

    Many will complete surgery to calm the dysphoria and subsequently live quite comfortably with being recognised as a person affected by the condition. Some may even be able to live quietly without revealing their birth sex.

    This group is almost exclusively male and most often the person affected will remain with a female partner though not always.
But What of the Rest? The remaining members of the group are affected by a quite different condition and fundamentally. It is biological in nature and therefore a medical condition—and not psychological.
  • The driving desire of this group is to correct the external genitalia and begin life anew, leaving any trace of the past behind. It is a characteristic of the condition that there is a driving and all consuming need for surgical correction that overrides any other consideration in their life.
     
  • It cannot be said that there is any Sex Dysphoria present since the sex of the person conforms to the binary and the person affected will never waver from the assertion that their physical sex is wrong. So to that extent there is no confusion about which sex they are.
Sexuality conforms statistically to that which is considered normal. In other words, statistically speaking, there is the same chance that the person affected will be gay or lesbian as in control groups. There are always additional physical secondary sex markers on this group.
 
The confusion that has arisen between these conditions is largely as a result of making the assumption that all three groups start out from the same point when clearly they do not. Each and every one of the people affected by these three conditions requires treatment of one kind or another. Perhaps to varying degrees, however all need to be treated with compassion and equality.
 
One size definitely does not fit all.
 
Ms. Evangelina Carters.Ms. Evangelina Carters was corrected in 1984. She has been happily married for 12 years. All of Ms. Carters' signed articles contain her own personal opinions and do not necessarily convey an official position of TS-Si, its partners, or affiliates.
 
Evangelina welcomes your comments. You can use the public form below or send private correspondence via the TS-Si Contact Page. We will not divulge any personal details or place you on a mailing list without your permission.
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Comments (10)Add Comment
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Virtually identical, Bravo, I came to virtually identica
28 August 2008     
Editor's Note, Cathryn Platine refers in her own opinion
28 August 2008     
Very well done Evangelina
28 August 2008     
Fascinating, A fascinating read Evangelina, thank you. A
30 August 2008     
Patterns of Gender/ Creating Confusion, Umm, I found you
02 September 2008     
Patterns of Gender/ Creating Confusion, Opps "I found y
02 September 2008     
What Is The Point?, Why do you folks spend so much time
02 September 2008     
Author enforces trans stereotypes, I find it fairly dist
02 September 2008     
FYI Readers: Clarke Institute, is the home institution o
02 September 2008     
For xrk9854, To better understand your views, can you pr
02 September 2008     

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Last Updated on Tuesday, 10 February 2009 06:51