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| To Sir With Love: The Trials and Tribulations of HBS Women |
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| Opinion - Global Warning | |||
| Lisa Jain Thompson | |||
| Tuesday, 11 December 2007 19:00 | |||
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No more over-processing
Springfield, VA, USA. For any woman whose voice is a husky contralto, being sir'd can be upsetting, but it is especially disheartening for HBS women. My natural voice is a contralto in the same way that jazz pianist/singer Diana Krall's voice is a contralto: husky smoke that sounds like twenty years on the road singing in bars, drinking Maker's Mark whiskey, and smoking cigarettes.
As far as I know she doesn't smoke [1] but I have five dollars that says she sometimes gets sir'd on the phone just like any other woman whose voice is not the expected soft soprano.
Just like the majority of HBS women, at one time or another during their lives, woman whose voice is a husky contralto have most likely been sir'd . While disconcerting to any woman, it can be particularly upsetting for HBS women, especially those HBS women who are early in transition and whose self-confidence can be best described as fragile.
Former Marines sir EVERYONE on reflex — the woman who is my director, me, the Major who is male, and random people on the phone — and then apologetically self-correct if the person to whom they speak is female. Other than those who serve in the Federation on Star Trek, no military organization intentionally sirs women. When it happens, it happens inadvertently and then is quickly changed to Ma'am.
Most times, however, being sir'd is a simple mistake resulting from the speaker triggering on a husky voice (after talking to soprano's most of day) while not looking up at person who has just spoken. Doesn't necessarily help the HBS woman who, in her inner heart of hearts, may want to just disappear to know that the mistake isn't hers.
We are all a little paranoid, always checking for the unconscious sir or hidden slight.
Take a deep breath, men look at all women that way. They feel it is their right and imperative to look lustily at women and judge their sexual suitability (meaning does the woman turn the man on?). Using short words and sentences: men look at women. Get over it.
Take a deeper breath, all women look at all other women, checking out new fashions, make-up, hairstyles, evaluating whether the other woman has it together or not, wondering where they could buy a blouse like the one you are wearing. Relax. It's part of being a woman, part of the sisterhood of women in a world dominated by men. Women worry about other women: Are they upset? Do they look harried? She looks really hot, I wonder is she is a dyke like me?
Men look, women look, and when they do look, it probably has nothing to do with the woman at whom they are looking was born with HBS.
But even the most self confident HBS woman can be put off stride if she thinks she has been addressed as Sir.
Sir
Sir
Sir
Sir
Sir is an English honorific used in several modern contexts. It was once used (without the person's name) as a courtesy title among equals, but in common usage it is now usually reserved for one of superior rank or status, such as an educator or commanding officer, or in age (especially by a minor); as a form of address from a merchant to a customer; in formal correspondence (Dear Sir, Right Reverend Sir); or to a stranger (Sir, you've dropped your hat).
The equivalent for a woman is madam [2].
When a woman gets sir'd, she can
There is another alternative that a lot of HBS women, especially those early in transition, frequent: they remove themselves from the situation, go home, and over-process what just happened. The good sign is that over-processing is endemic to women – a guy would just think the speaker was an ass-hole. The bad part of reacting this way is that what just happened probably did not happen because of anything the HBS woman did. Most times the speaker made an unintentional error not aimed at the HBS woman.
Three or four years post-op, HBS women seldom worry about sir-ing, at least no more than any other woman. HBS women who are still in transition would better serve themselves to cut their over-processing at least in half, and would best serve themselves by following the example of the experienced post-ops: don't spend hours dwelling on someone else's verbal slip.
The telephone, however, is another thing altogether.
Telephones were originally spec'd to best reproduce the male voice. The higher ranges of human speech (those that include the harmonics that are part of a female voice) are artificially depressed. Men were working in business, women were working at home. Nobody has ever redesigned the pitch range and harmonics to better reproduce male and female voices.
The bottom line is men's voices sound better on phones, women's voices sound deeper than they actually are, and contralto voices, including those of HBS women, are sir'd more often than one would expect, especially since a lot of my inbound phone calls sound like this:
I don't know how to solve this problem without redesigning all the phones and telecommunication systems in the world. Until we do so, contralto's will be sir'd, women with colds will be sir'd, and HBS women will be sir'd from time to time on the phone. The best we can do is take it in stride, correct them when necessary and relevant, and hang-up if the caller can't keep his pronouns straight.
If enough us women start hanging up instead of just taking it, maybe we can change the world.
But then again, we've got to remember, we're dealing with men.
 Ms. Lisa Jain Thompson is the Co-Founder & President of TS-Si, Inc. She also serves as a Contributing Editor and columnist for the TS-Si website. Ms. Thompson's signed articles contain her own opinions and do not necessarily convey an official position of TS-Si, its partners, or affiliates. Lisa welcomes your comments. You can use the public form below or send private correspondence via her TS-Si Contact Page. We will not divulge any personal details or place you on a mailing list without your permission.                      Add this page to your favorite Social Bookmarking websites.
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