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Avoiding Holiday Family Feuds Between Women Relatives Print E-mail
Living - Relationships
TS-Si News Service   
Thursday, 29 November 2007 19:00
remember: the holiday will end soon
 
Avoiding Holiday Family Feuds Between Women Relatives
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State College, PA, USA. Dr. Cheryl Dellasega believes in the best of women and girls, saying "It's a stereotype to say women are naturally mean. If anything, we long to connect and have positive relationships, especially with female family members."
 
But — holidays often bring families together often for dinners and activities. Sometimes, the emotional dramas between women family members can stir up chaos, instead of goodwill, says the Penn State researcher.
 
Dr. Cheryl Dellasega, professor of humanities and women's studies in the Penn State College of Medicine.Dellasega is a professor of humanities and women's studies (Penn State College of Medicine). She examines the harsher reality of female family feuds — sisters who sabotage, ex-wives waging subtle warfare, and other family situations where women emotionally wound each other.
 
Forced to Be Family: A Guide for Living with Sinister Sisters, Drama Mamas, and Infuriating In-Laws. Cheryl Dellasega, PhD. Wiley, John & Sons. ISBN-13: 978-0-470-04999-0. Hardcover. 272 pp. September 2007.Forced to Be Family: A Guide for Living with Sinister Sisters, Drama Mamas, and Infuriating In-Laws. Cheryl Dellasega, PhD. Wiley, John & Sons. ISBN-13: 978-0-470-04999-0. Hardcover. 272 pp. September 2007.
 
Her new book offers clinical insights and scary real-life stories to explain why these female family antagonisms have a special power to hurt and offers practical strategies to help restore relationships and reclaim lives.
 
"Going home for the holidays" If so, you may witness versions of gossip, exclusion and other hurtful behaviors: the meddling mother who can't believe your son dropped out of college, or the sinister sister-in-law locked in competition to prove her children are brighter, smarter, better behaved, and more attractive than yours," says Dellasega.
 
"In my work with women caught up in the maelstrom of relational aggression, some of the most emotional-and intractable-stories I hear involve female relatives."
 
Female family feuds involve a special brand of Relational Aggression (RA) that can hurt more than the barbs of a seventh grade girl ever did, according to the researcher.
 
“After all, your relatives are supposed to love you unconditionally – what does it say about you if they don't” she asks. “There's all the potential ammunition they have against you, including the gritty details of your disastrous first marriage and the times your children behaved badly (especially in 1990 when your firstborn broke your mother's priceless glass figurine)."
 
In an attempt to help the reader understand and cope with the most difficult aspects of Relative RA, the book is built around six insights into female relationships within families:
  • Women form intense and complex bonds with their female relatives.
     
  • Women expect more from — and forgive more of — family members than friends.
     
  • The permanence of family gives Relative RA a special power.
     
  • Relationships with in-laws operate under a different set of assumptions than those with blood relations.
     
  • Even the most vicious abuser can still feel great affection toward her victims and be unaware of her cruelty.
     
  • Even the most difficult family relationships can be navigated using basic strategies to empower individuals.
The drive to preserve family ties, even when those connections aren't so positive, is called kin keeping. No matter what disputes arise among those in attendance, the show will go on as it has for generations.
 
To ease stress and anxiety prior to the holidays, the Penn State researcher suggests creating a plan that circumvents female family feuds:
  • review and revise your expectations;
     
  • take a look at your own behavior and avoid triggering aggression;
     
  • avoid too much food, alcohol and togetherness;
     
  • keep the focus away from yourself; and
     
  • remember that the holiday will end soon.
 
Dellasega has conducted research on female relationship issues and relationship aggression, a form of bullying by girls and women. Her books include: "Mean Girls Grown Up," "Surviving Ophelia: Mothers Share Their Wisdom in Navigating the Tumultuous Teenage Years," "The Starving Family" and "Girl Wars: Twelve Tried and True Strategies for Ending Adolescent Aggression."
 
 
Forced to Be Family: A Guide for Living with Sinister Sisters, Drama Mamas, and Infuriating In-Laws. Cheryl Dellasega, PhD. Wiley, John & Sons. ISBN-13: 978-0-470-04999-0. Hardcover. 272 pp. September 2007.
 
TS-Si News ServiceThe TS-Si News Service is a collaborative effort by TS-Si.org editors, contributors, and corresponding institutions. The sources can include the cited individuals and organizations, as well as TS-Si.org staff contributions. Articles and news reports do not necessarily convey official positions of TS-Si, its partners, or affiliates. We welcome your comments. Use the form below to leave a public comment or send private correspondence via the TS-Si Contact Page. We will not divulge any personal details or place you on a mailing list without your permission.

 

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In-laws?, It is pretty interesting to see the among of d
21 December 2007     
..., Julie, the focus is on interactions between female
21 December 2007     

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Last Updated on Friday, 30 November 2007 01:26